You don't know me. I have only begun here, having discovered your substack from someone else. I can relate. to your situation, though. I wanted very much to be a Benedictine nun devoted to the Divine Office, ora et labora, and contemplation. But that was not what God intended. He had a job for me in the world. I was to proclaim the glory of God as revealed in Creation.
This meant I was to be something of a public figure. I have struggled with pride and human respect and finding time for prayer. It has afforded me many opportunities for humiliation and rejection and even sometimes persecution, and a clear sense of my own need for Christ. He has been very good to me, and accomplished His purposes despite my weakness.
I look back on my life from the age of 70. Given my experience, I want to say to all Christians, especially to those still seeking: give yourself to Christ without reservation, you can absolutely trust him to guide you and give you what you need. He will fulfill his purpose for your life, often to your amazement, because you may not see it coming.
Whatever path God has for you, I pray you will be able to keep the stillness and inner peace of the monastery, and a deep love for God and his people. Lean on Christ. His power is made perfect in weakness. Trust.
Ann- Thank you for your wise and kind words. What you state here is exactly the lesson I need to learn and perhaps one of the reasons I was led here to the monastery. Progress, admittedly, is slow. I will definitely be meditating on what you say here. Be well. -Jack
Jack, can only imagine the emotions behind writing this final post from the Hermitage. Having had the good fortune to have followed you over this year, it has been telling how your voice, through your work ,has become stronger and more resonant. You have been changed by this experience and it has been a blessing.
Thank you for the courage to share and to show your workings out this year. I’m at the start of my journey and your posts have meant a lot to me. I’m still edging towards finding my voice, unlearning the vocabulary that work and life to date gave me, but finally know what it means to walk with an open heart, rather than leading with my chin…
Courage for descending from the mountain, you carry the quietness and solitude within you, the background noise and bustle of the quotidian life can serve as the backdrop to the next chapter, the next thread in the tapestry that you’re weaving; the hubbub won’t drown out your spirit. And like you, I can see the orbit of related substacks gaining momentum. Looking forward to the podcasts and seeing your future contributions.
If you do decide to come over to the UK/ Ireland to visit your brother or to share a stage with Paul K, I’d be happy to offer hospitality and a bottle or two, for the price of a heartfelt conversation around the kitchen table.
Thank you for being here and for your kind words. It is indeed bittersweet to be leaving here. It has been an unmerited gift to be able to have spent the year here. It is a singular patch of earth. My sense is that it has not only allowed me time to let go of so much but as a kind of respite and preparation for what lies ahead. And what lies ahead isn't likely to be easy.
But I will gladly take you up on the offer should I ever make it over to England and Ireland. Which I would very much like to do again. This all, of course, remains to be seen.
It will be good to see what comes next. I hope all is well with you. -Jack
Thanks for sharing your insights here Jack. I look forward to following you future progress and podcasts. If you come to Cape Cod you're always welcome to visit us. It would be a good experience of "letting go" because we function quite joyfully on the verge of chaos and disorder but with lots of humor and beauty. Ususally.
Interesting how your post intersects with Peco's. If we seek the small, the uncelebrated obedience then God will have His way with us. I think this bit you wrote is true for me, too: "Over the past year, my view of the future has become darker, but my hope in what lies open for us has also grown commensurately, if not even more so. In short, the realities we will necessarily have to face are unlikely to be ones of our choosing. But the good news is that we can face them with great joy, confidence, and freedom. We aren’t helpless."
Clara- If I am ever in the Cape Cod area I will surely look you all up. I do imagine the McClardy household (is it 7 or 8 kids now on board?) as one of joyful chaos. A sight to behold! I hope to see it one day.
Peter posted his latest minutes before I did. The thought went through my mind: I wonder if we are saying similar things. Funny how that works.
Thank you for being a big part of what goes on here, and for your many acts of kindness. You and the whole joyful band out there on Cape Cod are in my prayers.
Oh, don't worry about progress being slow. It always seems slow until the moment God steps in and transforms you. He is the one who has to do it. We can't do it by ourselves. He saves us, we don't save ourselves.
Thanks for this update, and for your abundant soul-honesty about everything. I can’t believe that a year has passed on your substack. It feels like a long and steady meditation when I reflect back on it.
I hope you find a good place to situate yourself, especially one where there is space for real quiet, where the air doesn’t smell of fumes or fabric softener, where the wifi (and coffee) is decent, and where there are physical people to connect with (not that us digital beings are so bad).
In all seriousness, thank you again. Have you thought of writing a book about your journeys between the stillness and thunder of civilization? You’ve certainly got a better sense of the contrast than most of us.
Peter- Thank you. It has been a blessing to have you as a companion along the way--digital or not. I hope that will only continue, as will your keen observations, challenges, and confirmations. I appreciate it all.
As for a book, who knows? I haven't really thought about it as of yet. Maybe these substack posts are a way of working that out. Maybe not. We shall see.
Hopefully we will talk soon. And yes to silence and to the absence of fumes and fabric softener; and yes to decent wifi and coffee and the physical presence of good people to have deep conversations with.
If your view of the world has become darker in the past year, it is because you are able to see things clearer. It ain't no joke out here. But you took a great leap a year ago to put 'fuga mundi' into practice, and actually experienced what it is like to live in silence and contemplation. I am sure what you have learned in the past year will keep you in good stead as you navigate this curious time we find ourselves in. I am glad you are continuing on with your work here; it has both enlightened me and encouraged me on my own poor path. All the best.
I pray that God grants us not only the eyes to see in the dark but the strength of heart to bear it all in love. One of the advantages of this online world is the encouragement we can give each other. Thank you for yours.
I have been given a respite for a time from the growing madness. To the extent that the town an hour down below the monastery is itself a kind of cultural throwback and protection from the storm. Yet, I know even it isn't immune. I see the changes that have taken place over the past year even there. It won't hold out forever.
It is a good a time as any to return. We shall see. I hope you are well. -Jack
Informed and blest by you. Such honesty .I look forward to following your postings good bye...did not know until recently the original meaning was God go with you.
Kathleen- Thank you for coming along for the journey. I just looked that up--Good Bye as a contraction of God be with ye. Thank you for that. It makes saying Good Bye to this place and the beautiful people here less final and even less lonesome.
We shall see what comes next. If nothing else, it won't likely be dull.
I'm new to this particular Substack, having for the last year or more appreciated your comments over at the Abbey of Misrule. Much that you say here has resonance. Journey on, fellow pilgrim.
'The greatest stillness is the stillness found in movement.' (Taoist Classics).
I have a feeling there will also be a 'refuge of the road', for you. Greenest prayers for you from the woods of North Carolina as I head down to Georgia today. Go well, Jack. I look forward to hearing more from your journey.
Thank you. I fully admit my love of the beauty of the open road. I always look forward to vast expanse of the West. There is a kind of exhilarating stillness that happens when crosses the emptiness out there. Like the night sky it is a reminder of what exceeds are ability to express. Which is probably why I love it.
Enjoy the wonders of this beautiful continent. I wish you beautiful sights and many blessed encounters.
I also look forward to your reflections on being in America.
Your conversation with Iain McGilchrist came up in my YouTube feed and I watched it this morning. A beautiful and meaningful discussion. It's probably been at least 15 years since I practiced Aikido and Tai Chi (I wish I had continued with the latter). But though I don't physically practice anymore, the principles have stayed with me. It was very good to see these principles deepened for me in your talk.
Eric- Thank you. And thank you for being here and for all your insightful and often playful comments. They have been well-noted. Let's see what God has in store for us all! -Jack
I look forward to where you travel to next, physically and spiritually.
I’ve been rereading Way of the Pilgrim. Something about that kind of experience has an incredible pull on me, though it seems unrealistic in contemporary America. Maybe some highly modified version for you over the next little bit…
If you go through New Mexico, I highly recommend Holy Archangel Michael Monastery for a few days stay. The brothers there are truly dead to the world, and Abbot Silouan has something of the ancients living in his soul.
I was initially going to name this post The Way of Pilgrim: Automotive Edition, but decided better of it. But, it isn't *completely* off base.
I have heard of Holy Archangel Michael Monastery. It is actually not that far out of the way. I will meditate on that. I would certainly love to see it.
Thank you for being here and for your insightful comments. I hope all is well. -Jack
At the entrance to the monastery there is a sign, “Cell phones subject to smashing.”
They don’t work in that canyon anyway, but the point is a metaphorical full stop on the life we all lead and a suggestion to reorient ourselves while there. If you do decide to go, call ahead. They’re under the radar as far as monasteries go, but still often booked out well in advance.
We’re well. Still some snow on the ground, but gearing up for edible flower planting. Giving some thought to figuring out how to do stone work and building out a small chapel over the course of years, but that’s more likely to remain a fantasy.
Thankfully, I don't own a cell phone. Though I fully agree with the sentiment.
Alas, my window of opportunity would be next weekend. That's when I would be driving by. I will give a call anyway. I would love to see it.
I like the idea of a stone chapel. I know I won't be the one lifting all those stones, but I hope you do build it. A worthy endeavor.
The snow has mostly melted here, but the winds are still howling. I hope I will get at least a few calm, spring days before I leave. A guy can hope. Here's to a beautiful spring up north.
May our Good God journey with you and watch over you in whatever comes next! Looking forward to coming along for the ride.
“Completely have trust in God, leave everything in His hands, and believe that His love will act for your own benefit. Then God will take care of everything, because there is nothing He cannot do; everything is easy for Him. The difficult thing is for man to decide to humble himself and leave everything to God’s providence and love.”
It's been a joy and very interesting to read your writings during the past year. Many blessings in your next steps. I pray you keep connected with us here at your Substack and your comments over at the Misrule Abbey.
Basil- Thank you for being here and part of what goes on here. My intention is keep this substack going through my transition back to the world and for as long as it makes sense. What God intends, is something else. We shall see! -Jack
Best wishes for a smooth reentry into the life of the world.
Returning from shorter times away from the hubbub, I found myself trying to hang on to the peace and serenity I felt on retreat. I never could. And those several days of trying were quite painful at times. It was suggested by a friend that when I noticed the serenity slipping away, let it go with the words “bye bye serenity.”
I still hated to lose it. But a little always remained in the darkness. Those words were a contribution that helped me slide back into my life less painfully. I pass them on in the off chance that they might be helpful.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and making a monastic moment available or here!
It will be interesting to see how it is to return to the noise. How quickly will I get swallowed up in it? I think your friend is right, best I can tell. One thing I have learned better to do up here is to let the peace come and go, let the noise come and go. There is a peace that surpasses noise and silence. We'll see how that goes! All we can do is just keep practicing, I think. Thank you for point this out for me.
I understand your regret when your retreat serenity disappeared after 'coming down the mountain.' I experienced something like it when I left Nigeria after almost a decade living in Warri, a frontier-style oil town in Delta State. Serenity was never one of Warri's gifts, but time seemed to slow down. Friends dropped in without notice, phones, TV, and computers were unknown in the nineties, and "Sanitation Saturday" meant you had to stay inside until noon to 'clean your compound.' We listened to music and played with the children. I know Jack will miss the more leisurely rhythms of monastic life. None of the advantages of living in our modern, ever changing society has quite been able to compensate for losing my ability to pause and live more slowly.
There is something quite natural and fitting about the monastic rhythm. Which also means it is in direct contrast to the rhythms of the world. Though I remember as a small boy visiting my grandparents in Western Pennsylvania. That was probably my first taste of silence and the peace it can bring.
Thank you for being part of what goes on here and for your helpful comments. Be well.
Dear Jack, I can most certainly recognize myself in your journey. The biggest obstacle in my own life has been to get to know myself and adapt my life to that so that I will recover from all of my health issues. I can feel too that my journey in a way is coming to an end. Well not entirely because I know deep inside that there are still lessons to be taught but I know that the big picture seems clear to me. However one important lesson that still remains is that I need to fully acknowledge my own destiny.
We are often warned not to attempt to judge our own "progress" because that's one of the ways the demons actually get to us - either through despair at our seeming lack of progress, or through pride at feeling chuffed at how far along we are. I pray you find the right way going forward.
It can feel like walking a razor's edge sometimes. Whether it actually is like that I don't know, maybe not. Because at the same time there is always a great mercy, unfathomably deep and wide, present for us all in our inevitable failings. For my own, too. You are absolutely right that tracking progress is counterproductive. In letting go there is a need to let go of how well one is even doing that.
Thank you for your comment. I need all the reminders I can get.
Have you read the biography of St. Silouon the Athonite, by St. Sophrony? I think you might find it helpful. Early in his monastic life St. Silouon was gifted with an experience of the uncreated light of God, and the feeling of overwhelming love and grace. But, this feeling faded over time and he began to long for another such experience, not yet understanding that these gifts of grace are just so: gifts, not something to be chased or demanded. And so he was tempted by other visions for quite a period. His story is quite remarkable, and I'm still digesting it myself.
Dear Jack,
You don't know me. I have only begun here, having discovered your substack from someone else. I can relate. to your situation, though. I wanted very much to be a Benedictine nun devoted to the Divine Office, ora et labora, and contemplation. But that was not what God intended. He had a job for me in the world. I was to proclaim the glory of God as revealed in Creation.
This meant I was to be something of a public figure. I have struggled with pride and human respect and finding time for prayer. It has afforded me many opportunities for humiliation and rejection and even sometimes persecution, and a clear sense of my own need for Christ. He has been very good to me, and accomplished His purposes despite my weakness.
I look back on my life from the age of 70. Given my experience, I want to say to all Christians, especially to those still seeking: give yourself to Christ without reservation, you can absolutely trust him to guide you and give you what you need. He will fulfill his purpose for your life, often to your amazement, because you may not see it coming.
Whatever path God has for you, I pray you will be able to keep the stillness and inner peace of the monastery, and a deep love for God and his people. Lean on Christ. His power is made perfect in weakness. Trust.
Ann- Thank you for your wise and kind words. What you state here is exactly the lesson I need to learn and perhaps one of the reasons I was led here to the monastery. Progress, admittedly, is slow. I will definitely be meditating on what you say here. Be well. -Jack
Jack, can only imagine the emotions behind writing this final post from the Hermitage. Having had the good fortune to have followed you over this year, it has been telling how your voice, through your work ,has become stronger and more resonant. You have been changed by this experience and it has been a blessing.
Thank you for the courage to share and to show your workings out this year. I’m at the start of my journey and your posts have meant a lot to me. I’m still edging towards finding my voice, unlearning the vocabulary that work and life to date gave me, but finally know what it means to walk with an open heart, rather than leading with my chin…
Courage for descending from the mountain, you carry the quietness and solitude within you, the background noise and bustle of the quotidian life can serve as the backdrop to the next chapter, the next thread in the tapestry that you’re weaving; the hubbub won’t drown out your spirit. And like you, I can see the orbit of related substacks gaining momentum. Looking forward to the podcasts and seeing your future contributions.
If you do decide to come over to the UK/ Ireland to visit your brother or to share a stage with Paul K, I’d be happy to offer hospitality and a bottle or two, for the price of a heartfelt conversation around the kitchen table.
Take care.
Paul-
Thank you for being here and for your kind words. It is indeed bittersweet to be leaving here. It has been an unmerited gift to be able to have spent the year here. It is a singular patch of earth. My sense is that it has not only allowed me time to let go of so much but as a kind of respite and preparation for what lies ahead. And what lies ahead isn't likely to be easy.
But I will gladly take you up on the offer should I ever make it over to England and Ireland. Which I would very much like to do again. This all, of course, remains to be seen.
It will be good to see what comes next. I hope all is well with you. -Jack
Thanks for sharing your insights here Jack. I look forward to following you future progress and podcasts. If you come to Cape Cod you're always welcome to visit us. It would be a good experience of "letting go" because we function quite joyfully on the verge of chaos and disorder but with lots of humor and beauty. Ususally.
Interesting how your post intersects with Peco's. If we seek the small, the uncelebrated obedience then God will have His way with us. I think this bit you wrote is true for me, too: "Over the past year, my view of the future has become darker, but my hope in what lies open for us has also grown commensurately, if not even more so. In short, the realities we will necessarily have to face are unlikely to be ones of our choosing. But the good news is that we can face them with great joy, confidence, and freedom. We aren’t helpless."
Clara- If I am ever in the Cape Cod area I will surely look you all up. I do imagine the McClardy household (is it 7 or 8 kids now on board?) as one of joyful chaos. A sight to behold! I hope to see it one day.
Peter posted his latest minutes before I did. The thought went through my mind: I wonder if we are saying similar things. Funny how that works.
Thank you for being a big part of what goes on here, and for your many acts of kindness. You and the whole joyful band out there on Cape Cod are in my prayers.
Let's see what comes next. Be well. -Jack
Yes, there is sometimes a weird resonance among the various interrelated substacks. It’s not the first time it’s happened.
Oh, don't worry about progress being slow. It always seems slow until the moment God steps in and transforms you. He is the one who has to do it. We can't do it by ourselves. He saves us, we don't save ourselves.
"It always seems slow until the moment God steps in and transforms you"
You're not wrong there !
Thanks for this update, and for your abundant soul-honesty about everything. I can’t believe that a year has passed on your substack. It feels like a long and steady meditation when I reflect back on it.
I hope you find a good place to situate yourself, especially one where there is space for real quiet, where the air doesn’t smell of fumes or fabric softener, where the wifi (and coffee) is decent, and where there are physical people to connect with (not that us digital beings are so bad).
In all seriousness, thank you again. Have you thought of writing a book about your journeys between the stillness and thunder of civilization? You’ve certainly got a better sense of the contrast than most of us.
Peter- Thank you. It has been a blessing to have you as a companion along the way--digital or not. I hope that will only continue, as will your keen observations, challenges, and confirmations. I appreciate it all.
As for a book, who knows? I haven't really thought about it as of yet. Maybe these substack posts are a way of working that out. Maybe not. We shall see.
Hopefully we will talk soon. And yes to silence and to the absence of fumes and fabric softener; and yes to decent wifi and coffee and the physical presence of good people to have deep conversations with.
Blessings to you and your family. -Jack
Great stuff, Jack.
If your view of the world has become darker in the past year, it is because you are able to see things clearer. It ain't no joke out here. But you took a great leap a year ago to put 'fuga mundi' into practice, and actually experienced what it is like to live in silence and contemplation. I am sure what you have learned in the past year will keep you in good stead as you navigate this curious time we find ourselves in. I am glad you are continuing on with your work here; it has both enlightened me and encouraged me on my own poor path. All the best.
Jim-
I pray that God grants us not only the eyes to see in the dark but the strength of heart to bear it all in love. One of the advantages of this online world is the encouragement we can give each other. Thank you for yours.
I have been given a respite for a time from the growing madness. To the extent that the town an hour down below the monastery is itself a kind of cultural throwback and protection from the storm. Yet, I know even it isn't immune. I see the changes that have taken place over the past year even there. It won't hold out forever.
It is a good a time as any to return. We shall see. I hope you are well. -Jack
Informed and blest by you. Such honesty .I look forward to following your postings good bye...did not know until recently the original meaning was God go with you.
Kathleen- Thank you for coming along for the journey. I just looked that up--Good Bye as a contraction of God be with ye. Thank you for that. It makes saying Good Bye to this place and the beautiful people here less final and even less lonesome.
We shall see what comes next. If nothing else, it won't likely be dull.
I hope all is well with you. -Jack
I'm new to this particular Substack, having for the last year or more appreciated your comments over at the Abbey of Misrule. Much that you say here has resonance. Journey on, fellow pilgrim.
Grays- I have appreciated your comments at the Abbey as well. I am glad you have joined us here. We shall see what comes next. Be well. -Jack
'The greatest stillness is the stillness found in movement.' (Taoist Classics).
I have a feeling there will also be a 'refuge of the road', for you. Greenest prayers for you from the woods of North Carolina as I head down to Georgia today. Go well, Jack. I look forward to hearing more from your journey.
Caroline-
Thank you. I fully admit my love of the beauty of the open road. I always look forward to vast expanse of the West. There is a kind of exhilarating stillness that happens when crosses the emptiness out there. Like the night sky it is a reminder of what exceeds are ability to express. Which is probably why I love it.
Enjoy the wonders of this beautiful continent. I wish you beautiful sights and many blessed encounters.
I also look forward to your reflections on being in America.
Be well. -Jack
Your conversation with Iain McGilchrist came up in my YouTube feed and I watched it this morning. A beautiful and meaningful discussion. It's probably been at least 15 years since I practiced Aikido and Tai Chi (I wish I had continued with the latter). But though I don't physically practice anymore, the principles have stayed with me. It was very good to see these principles deepened for me in your talk.
If anyone is interested:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNCmkyjsWjw
Go well Jack
We can only ever see what presents itself. The question of course is are we looking?
May God grant you open eyes, and the Knowledge of Silence
Eric- Thank you. And thank you for being here and for all your insightful and often playful comments. They have been well-noted. Let's see what God has in store for us all! -Jack
God-self, I pray :)
I look forward to where you travel to next, physically and spiritually.
I’ve been rereading Way of the Pilgrim. Something about that kind of experience has an incredible pull on me, though it seems unrealistic in contemporary America. Maybe some highly modified version for you over the next little bit…
If you go through New Mexico, I highly recommend Holy Archangel Michael Monastery for a few days stay. The brothers there are truly dead to the world, and Abbot Silouan has something of the ancients living in his soul.
God guide you, Jack!
Tim-
I was initially going to name this post The Way of Pilgrim: Automotive Edition, but decided better of it. But, it isn't *completely* off base.
I have heard of Holy Archangel Michael Monastery. It is actually not that far out of the way. I will meditate on that. I would certainly love to see it.
Thank you for being here and for your insightful comments. I hope all is well. -Jack
At the entrance to the monastery there is a sign, “Cell phones subject to smashing.”
They don’t work in that canyon anyway, but the point is a metaphorical full stop on the life we all lead and a suggestion to reorient ourselves while there. If you do decide to go, call ahead. They’re under the radar as far as monasteries go, but still often booked out well in advance.
We’re well. Still some snow on the ground, but gearing up for edible flower planting. Giving some thought to figuring out how to do stone work and building out a small chapel over the course of years, but that’s more likely to remain a fantasy.
Looking forward to your “pilgrim” postings…
Thankfully, I don't own a cell phone. Though I fully agree with the sentiment.
Alas, my window of opportunity would be next weekend. That's when I would be driving by. I will give a call anyway. I would love to see it.
I like the idea of a stone chapel. I know I won't be the one lifting all those stones, but I hope you do build it. A worthy endeavor.
The snow has mostly melted here, but the winds are still howling. I hope I will get at least a few calm, spring days before I leave. A guy can hope. Here's to a beautiful spring up north.
-Jack
May our Good God journey with you and watch over you in whatever comes next! Looking forward to coming along for the ride.
“Completely have trust in God, leave everything in His hands, and believe that His love will act for your own benefit. Then God will take care of everything, because there is nothing He cannot do; everything is easy for Him. The difficult thing is for man to decide to humble himself and leave everything to God’s providence and love.”
St. Paisios of Mount Athos
F_S- The St. Paisios quote is exactly what I need to hear. This is what I intend to work on, from my side, and then simply trust. (or try to).
Thank you for being here and for all of your comments. I hope all is well. -Jack
It's been a joy and very interesting to read your writings during the past year. Many blessings in your next steps. I pray you keep connected with us here at your Substack and your comments over at the Misrule Abbey.
Basil- Thank you for being here and part of what goes on here. My intention is keep this substack going through my transition back to the world and for as long as it makes sense. What God intends, is something else. We shall see! -Jack
Best wishes for a smooth reentry into the life of the world.
Returning from shorter times away from the hubbub, I found myself trying to hang on to the peace and serenity I felt on retreat. I never could. And those several days of trying were quite painful at times. It was suggested by a friend that when I noticed the serenity slipping away, let it go with the words “bye bye serenity.”
I still hated to lose it. But a little always remained in the darkness. Those words were a contribution that helped me slide back into my life less painfully. I pass them on in the off chance that they might be helpful.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and making a monastic moment available or here!
Charles-
It will be interesting to see how it is to return to the noise. How quickly will I get swallowed up in it? I think your friend is right, best I can tell. One thing I have learned better to do up here is to let the peace come and go, let the noise come and go. There is a peace that surpasses noise and silence. We'll see how that goes! All we can do is just keep practicing, I think. Thank you for point this out for me.
I hope this finds you well. -Jack
I understand your regret when your retreat serenity disappeared after 'coming down the mountain.' I experienced something like it when I left Nigeria after almost a decade living in Warri, a frontier-style oil town in Delta State. Serenity was never one of Warri's gifts, but time seemed to slow down. Friends dropped in without notice, phones, TV, and computers were unknown in the nineties, and "Sanitation Saturday" meant you had to stay inside until noon to 'clean your compound.' We listened to music and played with the children. I know Jack will miss the more leisurely rhythms of monastic life. None of the advantages of living in our modern, ever changing society has quite been able to compensate for losing my ability to pause and live more slowly.
Diana-
There is something quite natural and fitting about the monastic rhythm. Which also means it is in direct contrast to the rhythms of the world. Though I remember as a small boy visiting my grandparents in Western Pennsylvania. That was probably my first taste of silence and the peace it can bring.
Thank you for being part of what goes on here and for your helpful comments. Be well.
-Jack
Take care. You will be in prayers. I look forward to our shared journey. Thank you For your vulnerability and honesty.
Dear Jack, I can most certainly recognize myself in your journey. The biggest obstacle in my own life has been to get to know myself and adapt my life to that so that I will recover from all of my health issues. I can feel too that my journey in a way is coming to an end. Well not entirely because I know deep inside that there are still lessons to be taught but I know that the big picture seems clear to me. However one important lesson that still remains is that I need to fully acknowledge my own destiny.
We are often warned not to attempt to judge our own "progress" because that's one of the ways the demons actually get to us - either through despair at our seeming lack of progress, or through pride at feeling chuffed at how far along we are. I pray you find the right way going forward.
Skip-
It can feel like walking a razor's edge sometimes. Whether it actually is like that I don't know, maybe not. Because at the same time there is always a great mercy, unfathomably deep and wide, present for us all in our inevitable failings. For my own, too. You are absolutely right that tracking progress is counterproductive. In letting go there is a need to let go of how well one is even doing that.
Thank you for your comment. I need all the reminders I can get.
Be well. -Jack
Have you read the biography of St. Silouon the Athonite, by St. Sophrony? I think you might find it helpful. Early in his monastic life St. Silouon was gifted with an experience of the uncreated light of God, and the feeling of overwhelming love and grace. But, this feeling faded over time and he began to long for another such experience, not yet understanding that these gifts of grace are just so: gifts, not something to be chased or demanded. And so he was tempted by other visions for quite a period. His story is quite remarkable, and I'm still digesting it myself.
I have the biography of St. Silouan, but have not read it yet. I will put it on the short list. Thank you.