I have been at the monastery for about two weeks now. I am still feeling a bit displaced, but not in a bad way. The anxieties of the world are finding their way through my body and mind. I sleep better here than I do down there, but I still wake up at 2 am wondering what I am doing and what comes next? It is surprisingly easier to let things go here, but I am far from carefree.
Nonetheless, I am also settling into the schedule. There is internet access here, obviously. But I have been trying to curtail my involvement in the news cycle. After Compline and as I settle into the Great Silence, I find I am tempted to click on some youtube video purporting to reveal the latest outrage, be it real or confected. I catch myself and click out of it.
When I do succeed, which is thankfully most of the time, I feel like I have dodged a bullet. I have taken enough of those virtual bullets to the solar plexus to last me a lifetime. The notion that I need to be “informed” is one of the most toxic delusions going these days. The more I am so informed, the less I seem to know what is going on. Let’s face it, the more informed, the less I even want to know what is going on. It’s one of the worms that bait the hook to keep us entranced.
As I mentioned in my last post, I started reading The Sunlilies, by Graham Pardun. The first essay is a joyful reflection on Matthew 6:25-29:
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one [a]cubit to his [b]stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not [c]arrayed like one of these.
The very next day, one of the readings from Matins was just this passage. I have taken this to be my theme, so to speak, for my time here. This is the lesson, the skill, the letting go that I am here to learn. Of course, it is not really something I can evaluate in myself or assign a letter grade. Letting go and trusting is, if nothing else, a letting go of that. If I turn letting go into another agenda, another resume item, what exactly have I let go of?
There is ample time here for silent prayer. After Matins and Mass, we also have time for Lectio Divina. I have been meditating on this passage and some of the surrounding verses. I sense they are forming a kind of web of meaning in my heart. But I know I am only at the beginning. Maybe as time goes on I can start to share this.
I find great joy in chanting the Divine Office1. As a former musician, I was able over the past 5 years or so, to work on learning how to chant. So despite there being quite a bit more to learn, I am able to join in with the other monks.
I am writing this atop the third floor of the monastery a.k.a. the solarium. I have been given permission by the Abbot to use this area to set up shop from time to time to write. I am very thankful for his kindness and for this great opportunity to share my experience with you all. Now that I am more situated, my intention is to be able to begin to post more regularly.
I hope this finds you all well. Pray that this will be a fruitful time.
p.s. Below is the view from where I sit as I write. The left side is known by the monks as Sinai and the right side is Russia. Further down the path along the stream, the right side starts to look like China, at least to me.
Read the Christ the Eternal Tao by Hieromonk Damascene to know why I would like to think so. It seems to be out of print at the moment. If you ever see it available, I fully recommend buying it.
The first image of this post is a painting I had hanging in my apartment for twenty years. I always felt it calling me to a very different way of life.
I don’t think one has to be a monk or even a musician to partake in chant. There are many great benefits in chanting. The Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary is entirely doable by anybody who can sing, more or less. Making the LOBVM more accessible is also something I would like to work on while I am here.
Hey Jack! You sound rooted and calm. Thanks for this update. The verses you quote from Matthew are beatiful. I've been taught that accepting God as our only shelter, protector and maintainer is a key aspect of surrender, which is the doorway to devotion. So it sounds like you are crossing those pearly gates, remember to say a prayer for those of us who are struggling down here!
Any chance you might share a recording of your chanting?
I love the little coincidences that seem to happen when you're absorbed in a paticular passage of scripture or when you're waiting for some divine guidance. Hope you figure it out Jack. In the meantime I'm very grateful for your posts. Always been fascinated by the Great Silence, so this is a real pleasure to read.