This is such a great piece, Jack. It is possible that we are meant to be finding 'the stillness within movement', by being urban hermits... In solidarity, Caro.
Thank you, Caro. I think you are right. The way forward is to be still wherever one is and whatever one is doing. When we do, we can end up in surprising places. We don't have to know where we are going, and we don't! How beautiful.
Bertold Brecht, as far as I can recall. Such dark singing there will be. What there will not be, however, is a privatised, fully-automated, luxury, made-to-measure salvation.
John- I love the Brecht quote. If I can be so bold, I don't mind seeing myself--or any of us--as one such singer of the darkness during dark times. Even if some scruffy figure with his guitar singing on a nondescript street corner with his cardboard guitar case out scattered with loose change. Now that's a good life!
Regardless of such musings, I am glad you are here. Thank you for your wisdom.
Thanks for this Jack really appreciate it. Just turned 45 years old there and all I feel is emptiness, that life has become just the same shit just another day, you just get up and go through the same routine on a daily basis, the same meaningless, pointless nonsense, and I just know that something needs to change, or rather something in me needs to change, and I know there is a lot of baggage within me that needs to be off loaded, because I know my brokenness, my darkness, my demons which I need to face, need to encounter, in all honesty I don't particularly like myself overly much, and some of thoughts I think reveal to me that darkness that abides within me, though on the surface you create this fiction that all is well, personally I just feel like a fiction, I think I lost myself a long time ago, and I need to go and find some semblance of myself that is otherwise than the current me, and it makes sense the best way is to encounter this lost self is through stillness, to delve deep into my interior self and hopefully peel of the many layers of this false self so vistas can open up for a new self to emerge. I know this is not a quick fix, and I have like yourself seen through the falseness of what the surrounding world has to offer, and this is part of the problem, because what the world offers I have no desire for, because it's superficial, fake, empty like me, so I need to get away from the distractions of the world to look for what really matters which is the eternal, which is the God who is closer to me than I am to myself, because that is the only place, if you can call it a place, where I will find rest.
I just started reading there Martin Laird's, into the silent land, hopefully that will give me a means to take that first step on to this contemplative path of stillness and hopefully to find some kind of light in the midst of my inner darkness.
Into a Silent Land is very good. The method of contemplative prayer is so simple and yet has been so powerful in my own life. The path is, as you state, not easy; in fact it can be excruciatingly difficult to face oneself, but it is the only path worth taking, in my view. I have tried what the world has on offering and found it lacking, at best, and soul-destroying at worst. I don't need to wonder about that part anymore.
If there is any way I can help let me know. All I would say is that if you have a wise elder of some kind in whom you can put your trust, then that is very helpful. In fact, I have found it to be essential to have someone to talk with even if they don't even say much.
My best to you on the path. -Jack
p.s. My plan is delve more fully into the darker side of contemplation in upcoming posts. I hope they prove helpful.
thanks Jack appreciate the reply. Can I just ask when you say elder, does this elder have to be a someone who is familiar with contemplation, or is it just someone to talk and confide in?
If you can find an Elder who has familiarity with contemplation that is ideal. But my experience is that such are thin on the ground. Which is something that will need to be address, I think, if we are ever going to fully breathe life into our own contemplative tradition.
I think if you can find a wise person who better understands the depths and heights of being human, this is the next best. But even a sympathetic ear of someone you trust is good.
Being able to express the fullness of one's experience--all that we hide from others and even from ourselves--is healing unto itself.
I wouldn't know anyone who would have a background or familiarity with contemplation, suppose I've grown up in a Presbyterian tradition though theologically I would be more orthodox, I would think reformed theology would be very suspicious of contemplative practices in general, but I'm sure I might know maybe one friend who could be a listening sympathetic ear.
But I feel I will open myself to a time of silence and stillness tonight and take my first step onto the path.
I have been what one might term an admirer of contemplation for several years now, largely because of two things: (i) exposure to the writings of proponents of contemplative practice (including but not limited to Merton); and (ii) my own growing sense of the distractedness and disenchantment that pervades the world around me, and that therefore necessarily permeates my own being.
At some point I need to stop being a distant observer and admirer and start being a practitioner. I know I need to; I sort of want to (or at least some not insignificant part of me wants to); yet something, or some constellation of things, holds me back. What is it? The belief that I don't have the time needed (at least not without giving up something else I might not want to give up)? A dislike of the idea of stepping out into something which I can barely know and understand, let alone map out, navigate in an ordered way, and control? Downright fear? All of the above, and probably much more besides.
(BTW, my name is Rob. Grays Boron, which happens to be an anagram of my name, is a rather silly moniker I at some point decided to use to protect my identity when lurking and occasionally interacting on Substack. I don't really know what made me think my identity might have needed protecting. I suppose I could edit my account details and go by my real name, but I've sort of got used to this rather silly fake name.)
I certainly don't want to oversell the contemplative path, or make it seem easier than it is. It is simple, but often very difficult and at times painful. There have been many days (weeks! months!) that it was exactly last on the things I wanted to be doing with my time. My own experience is that despite the difficulties, or really because of them, it is the most rewarding practice I have ever engaged in.
It is worth a try. It doesn't have to be a big thing--at least, not at first. :)
I can say, with some certainty, that Zen saved my life. I learned how to sit with very hard truths and my worst fears. I intensely practiced with an urban community for 10 years and quietly flirted with ordaining as a monk. Once I found out that was not my path, I needed to take some time off. I spent the next 10 years digesting, but also started a farmstead, married, had a child, and was trying to sort out a strange call to Christ. My practice these days is very meager in comparison to my Zen days. I have found a church that I love but I am walking blindly in a new path. Its all very unimpressive. I wonder if i should be doing more, should be Orthodox, should be trying a little harder to overcome my resistance to prayer and my shortcomings. Should the farm go off-grid? Should I never go online? Should I stop reading this (and all) substack? Oddly, there is a quietness in my meagerness. There is some real need in all of these things for the time being, I just can't quite sort them out right now. Time is short and I am sure to fail. Somehow it all feels alright. I appreciate your writing. God bless.
Todd- Clearly you have a lot on your plate--many good things! I know it isn't easy to find the time to sit in silence. But as you well know from your Zen practice a lot of these questions can be answered in silence. Or better still, the question simply dissolves as the concoction it actually is.
Anyway, I hope all is well with you. Thank you for being here. -Jack
Beautifully written. The practice of hesychasm is more important and necessary more than ever in the modern West. I appreciate your passionate defense of solitude and contemplative prayer.
Thomas- I couldn't agree more on the need for the practice hesychasm, solitude and contemplation. Their encouragement is the sole purpose of this Substack, however paltry its reach may actually be.
And thank you for the link to Hieromonk Gabriel. Much there to meditate on. We want a happy, gentle, and smooth path. Needless to say, it isn’t always so!
Your reach is never as paltry as it seems. As C.S. Lewis often remarked, for a true Christian the salvation of one soul means more than an empire which reigns for millenia. Souls are of heaven and are eternal, empires are of the world and are temporary.
The happy, gentle and smooth path doesn't exist for Christians, or really any serious spiritual seekers, as far as I'm aware. Some want it, but the truly wise know that any real spiritual growth requires hardship.
God bless you Jack, and God willing we'll both continue to strive towards a Christlike life.
Well, here it goes, decided to keep it short as possible, leaving out many things I could say on the subject of Hesychasm and an alternative way to it.
First of all I have closely read the Hesychastic classic The Way of the Pilgrim, perused The Philokalia, and read a number of Orthodox Christian writings on the subject and have attempted some practice of the Jesus Prayer.
I find it curious that Jesus explicitly taught us to pray to the Father and modeled a spiritual life centered on the Father empowered by the Holy Spirit.
Also St. Paul says in Romans and Galatians that the prayer of our hearts is “Abba, Father”
It seems to me as presented in the New Testament our walk here can be an interesting fellowship with the three Persons of the Trinity, an interesting dance with each taking turns as being the main focus/experience of the believer. The base state being a son of God united to Jesus with an inner flow of the Holy Spirit shedding abroad the love of the Father in our hearts, and not as a result of an arduous years long mystical process, though we are humbled as part of the process for God extends his grace to the humble and resists the proud. Matthew 11:28-30, John 7:37-39 And the humble thirsting weary and heavy burdened soul easily goes to Jesus for life for he said in John 6:37 “whoever comes to me I will never drive away” And then he gives the Holy Spirit and reveals the Father. I know many ordinary folk who walk in this.
Thank you for the reminder. Reading great and profound works by the Saints that have gone before us, while certainly invaluable, can set the bar of my expectations frightfully high. Not unlike watching a Bruce Lee movie and deciding to sign up for a martial arts course. “What do you mean you aren’t going to teach me how to do a flying dragon kick? I have to stand here in this awkward position, that’s causing muscles I didn’t even know I had to scream in agony, for several minutes at a time over the next 6 months?! This isn’t what I signed up for!”
I’m starting out on step 1 of the journey of a thousand miles and it’s never like the books! It’s at turns painful, boring, frustrating and sometimes downright agonizing. But every once in a while, a ray of light pierces the seemingly impenetrable fog letting me know I’m heading the right the right way. Lord have mercy.
This post is my attempt at a kind of exhortation to practice stillness. If to no one else than to myself. How successful it is in inspiring others I don’t know. But I hope it is of some use.
Yes, looking at my own lives in comparison to the saints is daunting. But as Leon Bloy famously put it, "the only real sadness, the only real failure, the only great tragedy in life is to not become a saint."
Oh, well...when you put it that way. A piece of cake...
Live forever or die trying, as it were. Lord have mercy is right!
We can, however, encourage each other on the Way. -Jack
Hi, Jack, as a pentecostalish, New Testament centered type the God of the contemplative systems feels like an endlessly receding horizon, not the warm immediacy of the Holy Spirit ‘the Lord, the giver of life - “God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” Romans 5:5 plus a flood of other verse OT and NT. Through Jesus our bodies become temples of the Spirit of God and this Elephant in our individual room is to be quite tangibly evident as seen in the NT. I suggest you study and grapple with the foundational writings and not later mystical writings as they are often infected with that Neoplatonic tinge that crept into Christianity giving us the remote apophatic god of the philosophers whose access you earn by a system of purgation, illumination, and union and not the accessible personal, loving, living God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” It is a shameless, free undeserved gift given to the weak and sinful. Enjoy!
The more neoplatonic tinge the better, I say. Another one of our differences. It is a wide. wide world. But the 'apophatic God' is hardly remote, but closer to us than we are to ourselves. Very intimate.
Well, it wasn’t a apophatic Neoplatonic god that that was the center of many millions of Chinese becoming Christians since 1950 who also got into real trouble with the authorities, complete with a myriad of miracles and martyrdoms. Read The Heavenly Man for the story.
Thanks Jack and everyone for this serious discussion. The quote from Luke, ‘Kingdom of Heaven / God is within’, somehow made sense when I first heard it aged circa 10-12 and already something of a sceptic of received wisdoms. Old age does not bring me any closer to exegesis, but the ‘poetic’ truth characteristic of Jesus, parables and all, beckons. The historical context and translations reviewed by scholar Geza Vermes (1) nevertheless could be relevant. Vermes has also flagged up the unusual stress laid on the childlike attitude toward God: “Neither biblical nor post-biblical Judaism make of the young an object of admiration. The elderly wise man is the biblical ideal.” This has made me wonder about other wisdom traditions and the search for ‘authority’? I am still contemplating these matters. Smile. Broadly, like other creatures we are evolved in context, and if human history follows a road it occurs to me these could be way markers, something of the ‘telos’ for our purpose, if we can remember who we are (2)
PS I have been trotting along with Martin Shaw, ‘Beasts & Vines’, who tells it in stories of us and our fellow creatures.
1) Geza Vermes 'Christian Beginnings', 2012
2) Review of Jeremy Naydler ‘ The Struggle for a Human Future’, 2020; my substack
Just as a side note: Jesus tells to become like little children to enter the Kingdom. St. Paul in 1 Cor 13 says he has put away childish things. A difference between childlike and childish? I don't know, something of a koan.
And in Ch 55 of the Tao Te Ching the one who is in harmony with the Tao--or filled with virtue (depending on translation)--is likened to a newborn babe.
Yes, Geza Vermes made the same reference to Paul / Corinthians. Indeed we can ponder. I do not know the Tao Te Ching very well,- thank you for that - but I have long known some Chinese poetry, only n transaltion of course. There is an introductory essay to the scipt in one book that I should read again. The author suggests one poem could be read aloud by many modern Chinese, such is the persistence the script images.
Nice piece Jack. I was raised as a Christian by parents who hade very different ideas re. what that actually means and thus I went (or was dragged ) to two very different Churches. Conflicted or what! I fled from 'religion' at the first opportunity but then I discovered meditation about 27 years ago aged 28 and subsequently i have sat many Buddhist meditation retreats - and some other stuff along the way. I would now consider myself Christian by upbringing and Buddhist by practice but ultimately I suspect the (the?) contemplative insight is essentially the same irrespective of the path. At the very least there is much common ground. As you say soul work can be such hard work at times and that is unavoidable grist for the mill. I also think your point about integrating and sourcing such insights into and out of the here and now - the messiness of one's everyday, lived experience - is absolutely crucial. Thanks for sharing the common ground in simple and honest language.
There is a deep and comprehensive contemplative path that has more or less been forgotten in normative Christianity. If it has survived at all it has done so in monasteries.
So, the move to Buddhism in the West is perfectly understandable in that regard. It may be somewhat unfair to say that much of Christianity has gotten itself wrapped around doctrine and battling over whose dogma is. correct--sometimes, historically speaking, to the point of actual warfare that lasts decades. And while doctrine is unavoidable, it is, to use the Zen analogy, merely the finger pointing at the moon. I have no interest whatsoever to get caught up in polemics over doctrine.
This rich and deep tradition within Christianity--both East and West--is something I hope to tease out and present as best I can on this Substack. We'll see how it goes.
A noble quest Jack. Best of luck. I am aware of and intrigued by the meditative tradition within Christianity but as you say, it's hard to find these days. I've been chatting to Paul K for years (since long before his Christian awakening) and like him and no doubt many others I feel great sorrow when I see beautiful old Churches falling into disuse, only attended by 'grey hairs' and the subsequent vanishing of 'spin-off' community goods that Churches can provide. Perhaps a popular rediscovery of the mystic, meditative dimension could breathe life back into Western Christianity.? I certainly hope so. It sounds like the Orthodox scene is increasingly healthy at present. I intend to find out more. to add to my last comment i do feel the pull of Christianity as well as Buddhism. I guess I am a postmodern hybrid of the two.; an outcome of the globalized times we live in. For me, personally, there is no conflict between the 2 paths (I speak from direct spiritual experience, not doctrinal accuracy) but I understand others may not feel the same way.
I fully understand the pull and appeal of Buddhism. I don't seek to convince, let alone convert anyone. But since I see what is a deep and comprehensive path within Christianity, I thought I would do my own tiny part in trying to bring it back to life.
If you read, say, Dionysius the Areopagite's Mystical Theology or The Divine Names or the sermons of Meister Eckhart (or more broadly in what might be called the 'Dionysian tradition' within Christianity) the distance between other mystical paths don't seem so great. Let others balk, if they must.
This tradition does seem more alive and intact in the Christian East than in the West. But it is still alive, I think, even here. It is worth bringing it more fully back to life. I think there is a role for us laity in this.
Thanks, Jack. I retired to bed last night, irritable with striving. Today, the title and subtitle of your piece elicited a chuckle and the body of the essay a balm. It reminded me of a quote from Boethius I reflect upon often:
Cast off joy and fear - fly from hope and sorrow. These things cloud the mind and bind us to the earth.
First off, I am a great lover of The Consolation of Philosophy by Boethius. I haven't read it in a while, so I need to check whether it actual survived all my recent moves.
More importantly, thank you for being here and for your kind words.
I'm glad you're back! Escaping the noise of our consumerist culture is difficult, as you note. And yes, stepping away and facing ourselves (not to mention the Divine!) is something we aren't used to and can definitely be an overpowering experience! Please keep sharing as your journey is inspiring to me, and I'm sure to many others.
Beautiful writing, Jack. Thank you for your honesty and humility which helps us look more courageously at ourselves.
As for that “abyss” .
You reminded me of a dream I had ten years ago. I was swinging East-west from a long steel cable over an abyss and crashing into the rock ledges on both sides.
Knowing the futility of this , I made a circle with my body until reaching a north point -an outcropping of rock w a copper cable. I climbed out into a grassy knoll. In the distance I saw a man in a white robe . We walked toward one another. I fell into his cloud-like satiny arms and he said “I have been waiting a long time for you”!
Since then my life has gotten a lot harder but I know He is with me .
Contemplation is hard work but we must face the “void”. I love your stories , thank you so much . Keep on keeping on .
That is quite the dream! In facing this abyss it often seems we are entirely on our own. I know it has often seemed that way to me. It is good to know that we are not. There is a light that shines in the darkness.
Thank you for the encouragement. It is truly appreciated. -Jack
Speaking of the kingdom of God which we are to seek - Jesus said “fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom” And the only place in the New Testament where the kingdom of God is explicitly defined is Romans 14:17 where it is called “rightwiseness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit” rightwiseness is the old English form of ‘righteousness’, the word used in the first English translation. Yes, quoting William Blake “and round the tent of God like lambs we joy”. It is all gift. For the “gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”.
Oh, yes, “weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning” “many are the afflictions of the righteous “ and Jesus said “in this world you will have tribulation” and that in him you can have peace., a peace that “transcends all understanding” This world is a sucky place and one day “there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away” As it says in the creed - We believe in the Holy Spirit the Lord, the GIVER of life, the Greek word for believe is pisteuo which means to “trust in, rely on, adhere to”. Again it is all gift, Jesus said “my peace I give unto you”. “Blessed are the beggars in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of a God” a better translation of ptochos I think. The pierced hand out that yields the Spirit of life is quite available for beggars.
This is so different from the accessible, freely given, joyous, “Spirit of life in Christ Jesus” Romans 8:2 I meet in my life, in my body, and in the words of the saints in the New Testament, Psalms and other parts of the Bible, the Spirit of God that has me often dance before the Father in secret and in public.
I am only getting started--it is only part of the story. Yes, of course there is joy, too. But I must say, if you only experience joy on the path consider yourself uniquely blessed. It has not been my experience or what I hear from others. We follow the path where it leads.
The times of pain, shame, failure, weakness, brokenness, emptiness are what induces us to turn to the gift of the kingdom as in the first three steps of the 12 steps. I have certainly had my share of pain , shame and so on.. I think of the woman with the issue of blood who had spent all she had on doctors and only grew worse and was brought to that place of simplicity where simply going to Jesus was enough. That is the path.
Different interpretative grids, could they be linked to the four humors or temperaments? - choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic , sanguine - meaning we unconsciously receive certain teachings of the scriptures and unconsciously filter out others. As a Gemini I would tend sanguine. Just throwing out a wild card and being capricious.
This is such a great piece, Jack. It is possible that we are meant to be finding 'the stillness within movement', by being urban hermits... In solidarity, Caro.
Thank you, Caro. I think you are right. The way forward is to be still wherever one is and whatever one is doing. When we do, we can end up in surprising places. We don't have to know where we are going, and we don't! How beautiful.
"In the dark times
will there also be singing?
Yes, there will also be singing.
About the dark times."
Bertold Brecht, as far as I can recall. Such dark singing there will be. What there will not be, however, is a privatised, fully-automated, luxury, made-to-measure salvation.
Glad to have you back, Jack.
John- I love the Brecht quote. If I can be so bold, I don't mind seeing myself--or any of us--as one such singer of the darkness during dark times. Even if some scruffy figure with his guitar singing on a nondescript street corner with his cardboard guitar case out scattered with loose change. Now that's a good life!
Regardless of such musings, I am glad you are here. Thank you for your wisdom.
-Jack
Thanks for this Jack really appreciate it. Just turned 45 years old there and all I feel is emptiness, that life has become just the same shit just another day, you just get up and go through the same routine on a daily basis, the same meaningless, pointless nonsense, and I just know that something needs to change, or rather something in me needs to change, and I know there is a lot of baggage within me that needs to be off loaded, because I know my brokenness, my darkness, my demons which I need to face, need to encounter, in all honesty I don't particularly like myself overly much, and some of thoughts I think reveal to me that darkness that abides within me, though on the surface you create this fiction that all is well, personally I just feel like a fiction, I think I lost myself a long time ago, and I need to go and find some semblance of myself that is otherwise than the current me, and it makes sense the best way is to encounter this lost self is through stillness, to delve deep into my interior self and hopefully peel of the many layers of this false self so vistas can open up for a new self to emerge. I know this is not a quick fix, and I have like yourself seen through the falseness of what the surrounding world has to offer, and this is part of the problem, because what the world offers I have no desire for, because it's superficial, fake, empty like me, so I need to get away from the distractions of the world to look for what really matters which is the eternal, which is the God who is closer to me than I am to myself, because that is the only place, if you can call it a place, where I will find rest.
I just started reading there Martin Laird's, into the silent land, hopefully that will give me a means to take that first step on to this contemplative path of stillness and hopefully to find some kind of light in the midst of my inner darkness.
Garreth-
Into a Silent Land is very good. The method of contemplative prayer is so simple and yet has been so powerful in my own life. The path is, as you state, not easy; in fact it can be excruciatingly difficult to face oneself, but it is the only path worth taking, in my view. I have tried what the world has on offering and found it lacking, at best, and soul-destroying at worst. I don't need to wonder about that part anymore.
If there is any way I can help let me know. All I would say is that if you have a wise elder of some kind in whom you can put your trust, then that is very helpful. In fact, I have found it to be essential to have someone to talk with even if they don't even say much.
My best to you on the path. -Jack
p.s. My plan is delve more fully into the darker side of contemplation in upcoming posts. I hope they prove helpful.
thanks Jack appreciate the reply. Can I just ask when you say elder, does this elder have to be a someone who is familiar with contemplation, or is it just someone to talk and confide in?
I look forward to your upcoming posts.
kind regards
Garreth
If you can find an Elder who has familiarity with contemplation that is ideal. But my experience is that such are thin on the ground. Which is something that will need to be address, I think, if we are ever going to fully breathe life into our own contemplative tradition.
I think if you can find a wise person who better understands the depths and heights of being human, this is the next best. But even a sympathetic ear of someone you trust is good.
Being able to express the fullness of one's experience--all that we hide from others and even from ourselves--is healing unto itself.
I hope that helps. -Jack
thanks again Jack.
I wouldn't know anyone who would have a background or familiarity with contemplation, suppose I've grown up in a Presbyterian tradition though theologically I would be more orthodox, I would think reformed theology would be very suspicious of contemplative practices in general, but I'm sure I might know maybe one friend who could be a listening sympathetic ear.
But I feel I will open myself to a time of silence and stillness tonight and take my first step onto the path.
many thanks again
Garreth
Thank you, Jack.
I have been what one might term an admirer of contemplation for several years now, largely because of two things: (i) exposure to the writings of proponents of contemplative practice (including but not limited to Merton); and (ii) my own growing sense of the distractedness and disenchantment that pervades the world around me, and that therefore necessarily permeates my own being.
At some point I need to stop being a distant observer and admirer and start being a practitioner. I know I need to; I sort of want to (or at least some not insignificant part of me wants to); yet something, or some constellation of things, holds me back. What is it? The belief that I don't have the time needed (at least not without giving up something else I might not want to give up)? A dislike of the idea of stepping out into something which I can barely know and understand, let alone map out, navigate in an ordered way, and control? Downright fear? All of the above, and probably much more besides.
(BTW, my name is Rob. Grays Boron, which happens to be an anagram of my name, is a rather silly moniker I at some point decided to use to protect my identity when lurking and occasionally interacting on Substack. I don't really know what made me think my identity might have needed protecting. I suppose I could edit my account details and go by my real name, but I've sort of got used to this rather silly fake name.)
Rob-
I certainly don't want to oversell the contemplative path, or make it seem easier than it is. It is simple, but often very difficult and at times painful. There have been many days (weeks! months!) that it was exactly last on the things I wanted to be doing with my time. My own experience is that despite the difficulties, or really because of them, it is the most rewarding practice I have ever engaged in.
It is worth a try. It doesn't have to be a big thing--at least, not at first. :)
Thank you for being here. -Jack
It is worth
Thank you, Jack.
I can say, with some certainty, that Zen saved my life. I learned how to sit with very hard truths and my worst fears. I intensely practiced with an urban community for 10 years and quietly flirted with ordaining as a monk. Once I found out that was not my path, I needed to take some time off. I spent the next 10 years digesting, but also started a farmstead, married, had a child, and was trying to sort out a strange call to Christ. My practice these days is very meager in comparison to my Zen days. I have found a church that I love but I am walking blindly in a new path. Its all very unimpressive. I wonder if i should be doing more, should be Orthodox, should be trying a little harder to overcome my resistance to prayer and my shortcomings. Should the farm go off-grid? Should I never go online? Should I stop reading this (and all) substack? Oddly, there is a quietness in my meagerness. There is some real need in all of these things for the time being, I just can't quite sort them out right now. Time is short and I am sure to fail. Somehow it all feels alright. I appreciate your writing. God bless.
Todd- Clearly you have a lot on your plate--many good things! I know it isn't easy to find the time to sit in silence. But as you well know from your Zen practice a lot of these questions can be answered in silence. Or better still, the question simply dissolves as the concoction it actually is.
Anyway, I hope all is well with you. Thank you for being here. -Jack
-Jack
Beautifully written. The practice of hesychasm is more important and necessary more than ever in the modern West. I appreciate your passionate defense of solitude and contemplative prayer.
Have you read any of Hieromonk Gabriel's writing? He writes here about the unbelief of modern churches, which I see as a bit of a companion piece to this. Albeit a bit harsher. https://www.rememberingsion.com/p/what-modern-churches-are-missing
Thomas- I couldn't agree more on the need for the practice hesychasm, solitude and contemplation. Their encouragement is the sole purpose of this Substack, however paltry its reach may actually be.
And thank you for the link to Hieromonk Gabriel. Much there to meditate on. We want a happy, gentle, and smooth path. Needless to say, it isn’t always so!
-Jack
Your reach is never as paltry as it seems. As C.S. Lewis often remarked, for a true Christian the salvation of one soul means more than an empire which reigns for millenia. Souls are of heaven and are eternal, empires are of the world and are temporary.
The happy, gentle and smooth path doesn't exist for Christians, or really any serious spiritual seekers, as far as I'm aware. Some want it, but the truly wise know that any real spiritual growth requires hardship.
God bless you Jack, and God willing we'll both continue to strive towards a Christlike life.
Oh no, you mentioned Hesychasm. I feel my personal interpretative tradition firing up. More later.
:)
Well, here it goes, decided to keep it short as possible, leaving out many things I could say on the subject of Hesychasm and an alternative way to it.
First of all I have closely read the Hesychastic classic The Way of the Pilgrim, perused The Philokalia, and read a number of Orthodox Christian writings on the subject and have attempted some practice of the Jesus Prayer.
I find it curious that Jesus explicitly taught us to pray to the Father and modeled a spiritual life centered on the Father empowered by the Holy Spirit.
Also St. Paul says in Romans and Galatians that the prayer of our hearts is “Abba, Father”
It seems to me as presented in the New Testament our walk here can be an interesting fellowship with the three Persons of the Trinity, an interesting dance with each taking turns as being the main focus/experience of the believer. The base state being a son of God united to Jesus with an inner flow of the Holy Spirit shedding abroad the love of the Father in our hearts, and not as a result of an arduous years long mystical process, though we are humbled as part of the process for God extends his grace to the humble and resists the proud. Matthew 11:28-30, John 7:37-39 And the humble thirsting weary and heavy burdened soul easily goes to Jesus for life for he said in John 6:37 “whoever comes to me I will never drive away” And then he gives the Holy Spirit and reveals the Father. I know many ordinary folk who walk in this.
Thank you for the reminder. Reading great and profound works by the Saints that have gone before us, while certainly invaluable, can set the bar of my expectations frightfully high. Not unlike watching a Bruce Lee movie and deciding to sign up for a martial arts course. “What do you mean you aren’t going to teach me how to do a flying dragon kick? I have to stand here in this awkward position, that’s causing muscles I didn’t even know I had to scream in agony, for several minutes at a time over the next 6 months?! This isn’t what I signed up for!”
I’m starting out on step 1 of the journey of a thousand miles and it’s never like the books! It’s at turns painful, boring, frustrating and sometimes downright agonizing. But every once in a while, a ray of light pierces the seemingly impenetrable fog letting me know I’m heading the right the right way. Lord have mercy.
F_S-
This post is my attempt at a kind of exhortation to practice stillness. If to no one else than to myself. How successful it is in inspiring others I don’t know. But I hope it is of some use.
Yes, looking at my own lives in comparison to the saints is daunting. But as Leon Bloy famously put it, "the only real sadness, the only real failure, the only great tragedy in life is to not become a saint."
Oh, well...when you put it that way. A piece of cake...
Live forever or die trying, as it were. Lord have mercy is right!
We can, however, encourage each other on the Way. -Jack
Thank you, Jack. This spoke to me in a time in my life where I needed this.
Hi, Jack, as a pentecostalish, New Testament centered type the God of the contemplative systems feels like an endlessly receding horizon, not the warm immediacy of the Holy Spirit ‘the Lord, the giver of life - “God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” Romans 5:5 plus a flood of other verse OT and NT. Through Jesus our bodies become temples of the Spirit of God and this Elephant in our individual room is to be quite tangibly evident as seen in the NT. I suggest you study and grapple with the foundational writings and not later mystical writings as they are often infected with that Neoplatonic tinge that crept into Christianity giving us the remote apophatic god of the philosophers whose access you earn by a system of purgation, illumination, and union and not the accessible personal, loving, living God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” It is a shameless, free undeserved gift given to the weak and sinful. Enjoy!
The more neoplatonic tinge the better, I say. Another one of our differences. It is a wide. wide world. But the 'apophatic God' is hardly remote, but closer to us than we are to ourselves. Very intimate.
And it's hardly a tinge, but often fairly blatant. Though admittedly, such types often got themselves into hot water with the authorities.
It is finally supposed to warm up here. I am looking forward to getting out. I hope all is well with you.
Well, it wasn’t a apophatic Neoplatonic god that that was the center of many millions of Chinese becoming Christians since 1950 who also got into real trouble with the authorities, complete with a myriad of miracles and martyrdoms. Read The Heavenly Man for the story.
Thanks Jack and everyone for this serious discussion. The quote from Luke, ‘Kingdom of Heaven / God is within’, somehow made sense when I first heard it aged circa 10-12 and already something of a sceptic of received wisdoms. Old age does not bring me any closer to exegesis, but the ‘poetic’ truth characteristic of Jesus, parables and all, beckons. The historical context and translations reviewed by scholar Geza Vermes (1) nevertheless could be relevant. Vermes has also flagged up the unusual stress laid on the childlike attitude toward God: “Neither biblical nor post-biblical Judaism make of the young an object of admiration. The elderly wise man is the biblical ideal.” This has made me wonder about other wisdom traditions and the search for ‘authority’? I am still contemplating these matters. Smile. Broadly, like other creatures we are evolved in context, and if human history follows a road it occurs to me these could be way markers, something of the ‘telos’ for our purpose, if we can remember who we are (2)
PS I have been trotting along with Martin Shaw, ‘Beasts & Vines’, who tells it in stories of us and our fellow creatures.
1) Geza Vermes 'Christian Beginnings', 2012
2) Review of Jeremy Naydler ‘ The Struggle for a Human Future’, 2020; my substack
Just as a side note: Jesus tells to become like little children to enter the Kingdom. St. Paul in 1 Cor 13 says he has put away childish things. A difference between childlike and childish? I don't know, something of a koan.
And in Ch 55 of the Tao Te Ching the one who is in harmony with the Tao--or filled with virtue (depending on translation)--is likened to a newborn babe.
Something to ponder.
Thank you for the book recommends. Be well. -Jack
Yes, Geza Vermes made the same reference to Paul / Corinthians. Indeed we can ponder. I do not know the Tao Te Ching very well,- thank you for that - but I have long known some Chinese poetry, only n transaltion of course. There is an introductory essay to the scipt in one book that I should read again. The author suggests one poem could be read aloud by many modern Chinese, such is the persistence the script images.
Nice piece Jack. I was raised as a Christian by parents who hade very different ideas re. what that actually means and thus I went (or was dragged ) to two very different Churches. Conflicted or what! I fled from 'religion' at the first opportunity but then I discovered meditation about 27 years ago aged 28 and subsequently i have sat many Buddhist meditation retreats - and some other stuff along the way. I would now consider myself Christian by upbringing and Buddhist by practice but ultimately I suspect the (the?) contemplative insight is essentially the same irrespective of the path. At the very least there is much common ground. As you say soul work can be such hard work at times and that is unavoidable grist for the mill. I also think your point about integrating and sourcing such insights into and out of the here and now - the messiness of one's everyday, lived experience - is absolutely crucial. Thanks for sharing the common ground in simple and honest language.
Matt-
There is a deep and comprehensive contemplative path that has more or less been forgotten in normative Christianity. If it has survived at all it has done so in monasteries.
So, the move to Buddhism in the West is perfectly understandable in that regard. It may be somewhat unfair to say that much of Christianity has gotten itself wrapped around doctrine and battling over whose dogma is. correct--sometimes, historically speaking, to the point of actual warfare that lasts decades. And while doctrine is unavoidable, it is, to use the Zen analogy, merely the finger pointing at the moon. I have no interest whatsoever to get caught up in polemics over doctrine.
This rich and deep tradition within Christianity--both East and West--is something I hope to tease out and present as best I can on this Substack. We'll see how it goes.
-Jack
A noble quest Jack. Best of luck. I am aware of and intrigued by the meditative tradition within Christianity but as you say, it's hard to find these days. I've been chatting to Paul K for years (since long before his Christian awakening) and like him and no doubt many others I feel great sorrow when I see beautiful old Churches falling into disuse, only attended by 'grey hairs' and the subsequent vanishing of 'spin-off' community goods that Churches can provide. Perhaps a popular rediscovery of the mystic, meditative dimension could breathe life back into Western Christianity.? I certainly hope so. It sounds like the Orthodox scene is increasingly healthy at present. I intend to find out more. to add to my last comment i do feel the pull of Christianity as well as Buddhism. I guess I am a postmodern hybrid of the two.; an outcome of the globalized times we live in. For me, personally, there is no conflict between the 2 paths (I speak from direct spiritual experience, not doctrinal accuracy) but I understand others may not feel the same way.
I fully understand the pull and appeal of Buddhism. I don't seek to convince, let alone convert anyone. But since I see what is a deep and comprehensive path within Christianity, I thought I would do my own tiny part in trying to bring it back to life.
If you read, say, Dionysius the Areopagite's Mystical Theology or The Divine Names or the sermons of Meister Eckhart (or more broadly in what might be called the 'Dionysian tradition' within Christianity) the distance between other mystical paths don't seem so great. Let others balk, if they must.
This tradition does seem more alive and intact in the Christian East than in the West. But it is still alive, I think, even here. It is worth bringing it more fully back to life. I think there is a role for us laity in this.
-Jack
Thanks, Jack. I retired to bed last night, irritable with striving. Today, the title and subtitle of your piece elicited a chuckle and the body of the essay a balm. It reminded me of a quote from Boethius I reflect upon often:
Cast off joy and fear - fly from hope and sorrow. These things cloud the mind and bind us to the earth.
Angela-
First off, I am a great lover of The Consolation of Philosophy by Boethius. I haven't read it in a while, so I need to check whether it actual survived all my recent moves.
More importantly, thank you for being here and for your kind words.
-Jack
I'm glad you're back! Escaping the noise of our consumerist culture is difficult, as you note. And yes, stepping away and facing ourselves (not to mention the Divine!) is something we aren't used to and can definitely be an overpowering experience! Please keep sharing as your journey is inspiring to me, and I'm sure to many others.
Karlie- Thank you for the encouragement. I am glad you are here. -Jack
Beautiful writing, Jack. Thank you for your honesty and humility which helps us look more courageously at ourselves.
As for that “abyss” .
You reminded me of a dream I had ten years ago. I was swinging East-west from a long steel cable over an abyss and crashing into the rock ledges on both sides.
Knowing the futility of this , I made a circle with my body until reaching a north point -an outcropping of rock w a copper cable. I climbed out into a grassy knoll. In the distance I saw a man in a white robe . We walked toward one another. I fell into his cloud-like satiny arms and he said “I have been waiting a long time for you”!
Since then my life has gotten a lot harder but I know He is with me .
Contemplation is hard work but we must face the “void”. I love your stories , thank you so much . Keep on keeping on .
Joanna-
That is quite the dream! In facing this abyss it often seems we are entirely on our own. I know it has often seemed that way to me. It is good to know that we are not. There is a light that shines in the darkness.
Thank you for the encouragement. It is truly appreciated. -Jack
Speaking of the kingdom of God which we are to seek - Jesus said “fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom” And the only place in the New Testament where the kingdom of God is explicitly defined is Romans 14:17 where it is called “rightwiseness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit” rightwiseness is the old English form of ‘righteousness’, the word used in the first English translation. Yes, quoting William Blake “and round the tent of God like lambs we joy”. It is all gift. For the “gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”.
You have surely read the Psalms and Ecclesiastes?
Oh, yes, “weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning” “many are the afflictions of the righteous “ and Jesus said “in this world you will have tribulation” and that in him you can have peace., a peace that “transcends all understanding” This world is a sucky place and one day “there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away” As it says in the creed - We believe in the Holy Spirit the Lord, the GIVER of life, the Greek word for believe is pisteuo which means to “trust in, rely on, adhere to”. Again it is all gift, Jesus said “my peace I give unto you”. “Blessed are the beggars in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of a God” a better translation of ptochos I think. The pierced hand out that yields the Spirit of life is quite available for beggars.
This is so different from the accessible, freely given, joyous, “Spirit of life in Christ Jesus” Romans 8:2 I meet in my life, in my body, and in the words of the saints in the New Testament, Psalms and other parts of the Bible, the Spirit of God that has me often dance before the Father in secret and in public.
I am only getting started--it is only part of the story. Yes, of course there is joy, too. But I must say, if you only experience joy on the path consider yourself uniquely blessed. It has not been my experience or what I hear from others. We follow the path where it leads.
The times of pain, shame, failure, weakness, brokenness, emptiness are what induces us to turn to the gift of the kingdom as in the first three steps of the 12 steps. I have certainly had my share of pain , shame and so on.. I think of the woman with the issue of blood who had spent all she had on doctors and only grew worse and was brought to that place of simplicity where simply going to Jesus was enough. That is the path.
This is why I am glad you are here. But just as I said: we are from different interpretive traditions. More on that as we proceed.
I hope you are warm, because it is very cold here today. Dang!
In California, it’s cold by local standards - low 30’s at night, but I am from Wisconsin so not cold.
Different interpretative grids, could they be linked to the four humors or temperaments? - choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic , sanguine - meaning we unconsciously receive certain teachings of the scriptures and unconsciously filter out others. As a Gemini I would tend sanguine. Just throwing out a wild card and being capricious.