I am interested to know how it went for those who spent time in silence this Advent. Any insights? Nothing special? Joyful? A nice place to visit but you wouldn’t want to live there?
What I have realized is that the contemplative life is often a challenge to sustain. Some days—this morning, for example—the last thing I felt like doing was to allow everything to be as it is. Especially my own inner life. The impulse to avoidance is a strong one.
I would love to hear how it went for everyone? More broadly, how was Advent and Christmas?
Hello, Jack. I enjoy your Substacks, though I can't relate strongly to them. I'm a childhood mass murder survivor whose most consequential liability is a traumatic brain injury.
Prayer itself is hard enough for me, silent prayer a virtual impossibility. I realized years ago that if I were going to pray, I had to talk my prayers out loud. I haven't been upset by this. It's a child's posture, isn't it? But then our Lord has rather commendatory things to say about those whose approach to him is childlike.
This is NOT something I would have wished upon myself, I promise.
I'm not sure what the contemplative life means, or can mean, to someone like me. Turning off conscious thought hasn't exactly been my problem in life. As for sound itself, people who have traumatic brain injuries can be more easily tortured by it than the neurointact. ( Let it be recorded that as far as I know, I just coined that term. ) In 1987, I had no choice but to turn down an apartment which in every other way was perfect for me because I couldn't stand the sighing sound the air conditioning made when it kicked on.
Sound is also among my greatest comforts. I have the radio on almost always. I'm listening either to classical music on a local university station or, as I am as I write this, to the local jazz station. There are hardly any jazz stations left in the United States, and I'm convinced that the people who are doing it here are doing it for its value as a tax shelter. They are enthusiasts for the music, however, but if they weren't, I'd still be grateful for the gift of the music.
As you see, I'm not the stuff of which contemplatives are made, but I'm fascinated by the Substacks you write. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Thank you for the challenge Jack, this was a wonderful experience. I worked up to 30 minutes in one setting and then three 10 minute settings, each preceding my prayer times (praying the hours). I silently repeated the Jesus Prayer while using my prayer rope during this time - not sure if that missed the point or not. But my prayer time following silence was much more calm and attentive. I was reminded of this saying:
First, do not start to pray without at least some brief preparation; second, do not perform your prayer carelessly, but do so with attention and feeling; third, do not return to your usual occupations immediately after you have finished praying. - St. Theophan the Recluse
Hit and miss for me. I found when I was able to sit the distractions came pretty quickly. But I am nearly finished with Mountain of Silence. And there is more for me to sit and chew on in that book than I was ready for. It’s been a blessing.
For me, I have focused more on balancing my ordinary activities, including prayer, with more focus on listening and being patient. I have also tried to spend more time with people, bringing this more receptive mindset with me. It is a small shift, but I have found it helpful, particularly in terms of being able to let go of things that are not important, and to attend to things that are.
I struggled to sustain the challenge. I think I need to do it first thing in the morning for it to happen consistently. I often had to grab my quiet time while walking the dog. Not that that is all bad, but it doesn't feel as special.
I had a family member in distress come to stay with her 3 children so it was wild in my house... 11 people to feed, kids sleeping on the living room floor, a rabbit and a cat in tow. It was nice, though, as it completely obliterated lots of the meaningless consumer Christmas activities that are on offer -- and we all were able to focus on someone else who has real problems and have gratitude for the simple stability of our lives as a family. It also got me thinking about amateur psychotherapy, community support I guess is all that means. In a low energy future I don't think we will simply refer distressed people to social agencies or to therapists. We will need to know how to listen, how to discern, and to simply stretch enough to be helpful.
When I did have truly silent times for contemplation I always found my mind busy. I have been attending Quaker meetings for 8 years now and I still have yet to experience a true emptiness, and internal silence. I mostly just keep attempting to return to it as I notice that I am wandering. Thanks for organizing this challenge and opening discussion about it, Jack.
At the beginning of the year, I signed up at the local Cathedral to be present at the Adoration held on Thursdays, between 4-5. They wanted to insure that a minimum of two people were always present. I wanted to be more active in the church, and it was either that or be a greeter, which would not have suited me. After attending a while, I began to add days where I would go to the cathedral on my own and sit for 45 minutes or an hour in silence. For a long time, I probably averaged at least 3 days a week doing this, and in the last few weeks it was more like 4-5 days a week.
When I started at the adoration, that hour used to crawl by. I usually brought prayer books or books of poetry to help me get in to the mood, and gradually it got easier. Later, I would just sit there and sometimes the time would fly by, even if I didn't read. I still bring books with me, but increasingly they stay in the bag. I have never spent an hour in silence every day for an extended period, although I live alone and it would be quite easy to just turn off everything and just be quiet. But I am fond of classical music, so I usually have it on when I'm home.
Yesterday was different. I did some errands in the morning, but when I got home I did not listen to the radio or watch television. I can't tell you exactly how I spent that 4 hours or so, but the silence slowly became sort of normal. Without consciously willing it, I experienced a leap in the amount of silence I could tolerate. Today followed suit. After meeting a friend for coffee this morning, I occupied myself in total silence for a couple of hours. When I did turn on the radio, I listened for a few minutes, before turning it off again. I actually preferred the silence; there was no sense that I was depriving myself of anything.
I have had some experience in establishing new habits, as I had a lot of bad habits that needed to be replaced, particularly when I was younger. It is hard at first, but if I kept it up, something would click and the habit would become my new normal, my preferred way of being. Yesterday felt very much like one of those "click" moments. Of course, this could just be a couple of good days in a row, and I will go back to status quo ante tomorrow. I am not overly concerned by the possibility.
I have reflected some on how things have come to be in my current practice. A year ago, I was looking for something I could contribute at church, and suddenly the opportunity to cover an hour at the Adoration became available. I felt at the time that was something I could not only do, but something I wanted to do. It was at first difficult, but then that hour became the highlight of my week. One hour a week then morphed into 3 or 4, naturally and with no effort on my behalf. Now I have added silence at home. I do not know where this is leading. But do I feel the hours I spend sitting silently are definitely awakening something in me that resists clear definition. It is a good thing, though. And all due to the fact that I volunteered a year ago to sit an hour a week in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I definitely made the right choice!
Michelangelo and William Blake were right about God.
From a Biblical perspective the nature of God is seen as reflected in aspects of the created order. Yes, God to a certain degree does have the nature of space, wind, emptiness, mist, air, sky, force, energy, light, darkness so congenial to Buddhist/Hindu/New Age types. However humans as being made in the image of God, are the best representation of what God is like – especially a human at their highest development, a mature, wise, good, vital 50+ man or woman. I knew a dynamic, spiritual woman in her late sixties, another one in her eighties they both reminded me of a female God the Father carrying personal authority.
To me saying God is NOT like a man – Our Father in Heaven - is dumbing God down, making God less than what he is, flattening the divine out, a less than human gas. In a true sense since humans are made in the divine image, humaness is intrinsic to God, God is even MORE human than we are, as our humanity is but an image of that which is being imaged. though divine humanity is an infinite multidimensional cube compared to our simple flat squares. God is even more perfectly human than us who are echoes, a flatter image of him.
There is much wisdom and truth in Michelangelo’s and William Blake’s depictions of God as a dynamic, active, wise older man. Far from being simplifications of God they point to his personal depth, his danger, his joy and love and perfect humanness and the familiarity and commonality we encounter when we meet him for he is like us for we are patterned after him.
Thank you for your reminder to go aside to God. I am all fired up and here are some fruits of your reminder.
In all this talk of a wild Christianity I see no talk of the wild spiritual life of Jesus had with God the Father. A wild life we can also have as being fellow sons of God filled with the Holy Spirit – John 1:12, Galatians 3:26, 4:6. A wild Christianity with the Father because it is empowered by the Holy Spirit doesn’t need nature immersion to happen, though having the privilege of nature immersion I suppose may be a useful adjunct for many. After all when Jesus gave prayer instructions in Matthew 6 he said to close the door to your room!, not go forest bathing.
When you look at the actual spirituality espoused by Jesus and practiced by him in the Gospels it is utterly unfashionable by those who look to non-dual awareness, and “Christ Consciousness” "ground of being” as the ticket. No, nothing as ethereal as that! A Father in heaven, “pray to your Father who is there unseen”. Jesus was by no means ashamed of the old man and talked about and to him a whole lot. God speaking in an audible voice, expectation of specific even miraculous answers to prayer, lifting eyes in prayer, a robust intensely personal God the Father that isn’t you, but you can know, and directly know his love for you as an individual.
Jesus on the cross cried out “My God, my God why have you forsaken me” far from being a cry of abandonment it was act of teaching and prophetic proclamation – which was a part of his job at the time, it was a quote from the first line of Psalm 22 which contains prophecy of what was happening at the moment, and was a statement of deep faith and knowing.
I could go on and on with more examples from all over the Bible of this wonderful dualistic experience of the Living God. The Father made us as individual humans and intends to keep us that way. This is all very childlike as Jesus says we are to be. I know vigorous attempts have been made to squeeze this knowing of the Father and the Biblical record into a new orthodoxy of a “wiser” quasi-Buddhism. The final state presented as the ultimate is us embodied as individual humans even as Jesus is now, in the presence of God, in a new physical creation of multiplicity, filled with the Holy Spirit, not generic vanilla pudding non-duality. Sounds like fun to me, which all children delight in.
Hm...I am at an impasse , or so it seems. I have been meditating for years - and so to devote an hour to your Pascal challenge? Easy peacy. Or so it would seem.
But this dreadful knowing decended on me which is that I meditate because I want to achieve something...the Union with the Divine? Awakening? Wisdom? Ah, to finally Understand this strange experience of being alive!
And so I see that my mind is still ruling me even when I meditate - I am judging myself and my life as lacking in something vital and I am searching, wishing, yearning for...meaning? Icecream? Who knows? Something Bigger than I.
And how can I find something when I already have this judgement in my head/mind/soul - that I need something else? This drive, this urge for deeper meaning is what is keeping me away from the very thing I seek.
So then, I gave up meditation all together for a few weeks and bought a lot of wine and drank it.
I loved the silence and found myself extending the time to about 90 minutes each day. My contemplative prayer improved and made me more eager to pray and reflect. I stopped listening to podcasts in the car and on my walks. I savor moments when I have to be patient, like peeling organic hard boiled eggs. I think... I hope I am kinder to others and more willing to listen closely to their words and body language. I will continue to accept Pascal's challenge.
Silence is difficult but the alternative is much worse in my opinion . We have to face what is in us. I was wondering if you or anyone has read “Into the Silent Land” by Martin Laird ?
Beautiful book. Below is a quote in it. Thank you for letting me comment .
“The doorway into the silent land is a wound. Silence lays bare this wound. We do not journey far along the spiritual path before we get some sense of the wound of the human condition, and this is precisely why not a few abandon a contemplative practice like meditation as soon as it begins to expose this wound; they move on instead to some spiritual entertainment that will maintain distraction. Perhaps this is why the weak and wounded, who know very well the vulnerability of the human condition, often have an aptitude for discovering silence and can sense the wholeness and healing that ground this wound. “
Hi Jack - I'm writing an article on psychedelics, spirituality and modernity for Unherd and I would love to interview you. Here's my portfolio of previous writings: https://edprideaux.journoportfolio.com/
Please email me at eddie.prideaux@gmail.com if you are interested in chatting and setting up a time.
Hello, Jack. I enjoy your Substacks, though I can't relate strongly to them. I'm a childhood mass murder survivor whose most consequential liability is a traumatic brain injury.
Prayer itself is hard enough for me, silent prayer a virtual impossibility. I realized years ago that if I were going to pray, I had to talk my prayers out loud. I haven't been upset by this. It's a child's posture, isn't it? But then our Lord has rather commendatory things to say about those whose approach to him is childlike.
This is NOT something I would have wished upon myself, I promise.
I'm not sure what the contemplative life means, or can mean, to someone like me. Turning off conscious thought hasn't exactly been my problem in life. As for sound itself, people who have traumatic brain injuries can be more easily tortured by it than the neurointact. ( Let it be recorded that as far as I know, I just coined that term. ) In 1987, I had no choice but to turn down an apartment which in every other way was perfect for me because I couldn't stand the sighing sound the air conditioning made when it kicked on.
Sound is also among my greatest comforts. I have the radio on almost always. I'm listening either to classical music on a local university station or, as I am as I write this, to the local jazz station. There are hardly any jazz stations left in the United States, and I'm convinced that the people who are doing it here are doing it for its value as a tax shelter. They are enthusiasts for the music, however, but if they weren't, I'd still be grateful for the gift of the music.
As you see, I'm not the stuff of which contemplatives are made, but I'm fascinated by the Substacks you write. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Thank you for the challenge Jack, this was a wonderful experience. I worked up to 30 minutes in one setting and then three 10 minute settings, each preceding my prayer times (praying the hours). I silently repeated the Jesus Prayer while using my prayer rope during this time - not sure if that missed the point or not. But my prayer time following silence was much more calm and attentive. I was reminded of this saying:
First, do not start to pray without at least some brief preparation; second, do not perform your prayer carelessly, but do so with attention and feeling; third, do not return to your usual occupations immediately after you have finished praying. - St. Theophan the Recluse
Hit and miss for me. I found when I was able to sit the distractions came pretty quickly. But I am nearly finished with Mountain of Silence. And there is more for me to sit and chew on in that book than I was ready for. It’s been a blessing.
For me, I have focused more on balancing my ordinary activities, including prayer, with more focus on listening and being patient. I have also tried to spend more time with people, bringing this more receptive mindset with me. It is a small shift, but I have found it helpful, particularly in terms of being able to let go of things that are not important, and to attend to things that are.
I struggled to sustain the challenge. I think I need to do it first thing in the morning for it to happen consistently. I often had to grab my quiet time while walking the dog. Not that that is all bad, but it doesn't feel as special.
I had a family member in distress come to stay with her 3 children so it was wild in my house... 11 people to feed, kids sleeping on the living room floor, a rabbit and a cat in tow. It was nice, though, as it completely obliterated lots of the meaningless consumer Christmas activities that are on offer -- and we all were able to focus on someone else who has real problems and have gratitude for the simple stability of our lives as a family. It also got me thinking about amateur psychotherapy, community support I guess is all that means. In a low energy future I don't think we will simply refer distressed people to social agencies or to therapists. We will need to know how to listen, how to discern, and to simply stretch enough to be helpful.
When I did have truly silent times for contemplation I always found my mind busy. I have been attending Quaker meetings for 8 years now and I still have yet to experience a true emptiness, and internal silence. I mostly just keep attempting to return to it as I notice that I am wandering. Thanks for organizing this challenge and opening discussion about it, Jack.
Clara
At the beginning of the year, I signed up at the local Cathedral to be present at the Adoration held on Thursdays, between 4-5. They wanted to insure that a minimum of two people were always present. I wanted to be more active in the church, and it was either that or be a greeter, which would not have suited me. After attending a while, I began to add days where I would go to the cathedral on my own and sit for 45 minutes or an hour in silence. For a long time, I probably averaged at least 3 days a week doing this, and in the last few weeks it was more like 4-5 days a week.
When I started at the adoration, that hour used to crawl by. I usually brought prayer books or books of poetry to help me get in to the mood, and gradually it got easier. Later, I would just sit there and sometimes the time would fly by, even if I didn't read. I still bring books with me, but increasingly they stay in the bag. I have never spent an hour in silence every day for an extended period, although I live alone and it would be quite easy to just turn off everything and just be quiet. But I am fond of classical music, so I usually have it on when I'm home.
Yesterday was different. I did some errands in the morning, but when I got home I did not listen to the radio or watch television. I can't tell you exactly how I spent that 4 hours or so, but the silence slowly became sort of normal. Without consciously willing it, I experienced a leap in the amount of silence I could tolerate. Today followed suit. After meeting a friend for coffee this morning, I occupied myself in total silence for a couple of hours. When I did turn on the radio, I listened for a few minutes, before turning it off again. I actually preferred the silence; there was no sense that I was depriving myself of anything.
I have had some experience in establishing new habits, as I had a lot of bad habits that needed to be replaced, particularly when I was younger. It is hard at first, but if I kept it up, something would click and the habit would become my new normal, my preferred way of being. Yesterday felt very much like one of those "click" moments. Of course, this could just be a couple of good days in a row, and I will go back to status quo ante tomorrow. I am not overly concerned by the possibility.
I have reflected some on how things have come to be in my current practice. A year ago, I was looking for something I could contribute at church, and suddenly the opportunity to cover an hour at the Adoration became available. I felt at the time that was something I could not only do, but something I wanted to do. It was at first difficult, but then that hour became the highlight of my week. One hour a week then morphed into 3 or 4, naturally and with no effort on my behalf. Now I have added silence at home. I do not know where this is leading. But do I feel the hours I spend sitting silently are definitely awakening something in me that resists clear definition. It is a good thing, though. And all due to the fact that I volunteered a year ago to sit an hour a week in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I definitely made the right choice!
Michelangelo and William Blake were right about God.
From a Biblical perspective the nature of God is seen as reflected in aspects of the created order. Yes, God to a certain degree does have the nature of space, wind, emptiness, mist, air, sky, force, energy, light, darkness so congenial to Buddhist/Hindu/New Age types. However humans as being made in the image of God, are the best representation of what God is like – especially a human at their highest development, a mature, wise, good, vital 50+ man or woman. I knew a dynamic, spiritual woman in her late sixties, another one in her eighties they both reminded me of a female God the Father carrying personal authority.
To me saying God is NOT like a man – Our Father in Heaven - is dumbing God down, making God less than what he is, flattening the divine out, a less than human gas. In a true sense since humans are made in the divine image, humaness is intrinsic to God, God is even MORE human than we are, as our humanity is but an image of that which is being imaged. though divine humanity is an infinite multidimensional cube compared to our simple flat squares. God is even more perfectly human than us who are echoes, a flatter image of him.
There is much wisdom and truth in Michelangelo’s and William Blake’s depictions of God as a dynamic, active, wise older man. Far from being simplifications of God they point to his personal depth, his danger, his joy and love and perfect humanness and the familiarity and commonality we encounter when we meet him for he is like us for we are patterned after him.
Thank you for your reminder to go aside to God. I am all fired up and here are some fruits of your reminder.
In all this talk of a wild Christianity I see no talk of the wild spiritual life of Jesus had with God the Father. A wild life we can also have as being fellow sons of God filled with the Holy Spirit – John 1:12, Galatians 3:26, 4:6. A wild Christianity with the Father because it is empowered by the Holy Spirit doesn’t need nature immersion to happen, though having the privilege of nature immersion I suppose may be a useful adjunct for many. After all when Jesus gave prayer instructions in Matthew 6 he said to close the door to your room!, not go forest bathing.
When you look at the actual spirituality espoused by Jesus and practiced by him in the Gospels it is utterly unfashionable by those who look to non-dual awareness, and “Christ Consciousness” "ground of being” as the ticket. No, nothing as ethereal as that! A Father in heaven, “pray to your Father who is there unseen”. Jesus was by no means ashamed of the old man and talked about and to him a whole lot. God speaking in an audible voice, expectation of specific even miraculous answers to prayer, lifting eyes in prayer, a robust intensely personal God the Father that isn’t you, but you can know, and directly know his love for you as an individual.
Jesus on the cross cried out “My God, my God why have you forsaken me” far from being a cry of abandonment it was act of teaching and prophetic proclamation – which was a part of his job at the time, it was a quote from the first line of Psalm 22 which contains prophecy of what was happening at the moment, and was a statement of deep faith and knowing.
I could go on and on with more examples from all over the Bible of this wonderful dualistic experience of the Living God. The Father made us as individual humans and intends to keep us that way. This is all very childlike as Jesus says we are to be. I know vigorous attempts have been made to squeeze this knowing of the Father and the Biblical record into a new orthodoxy of a “wiser” quasi-Buddhism. The final state presented as the ultimate is us embodied as individual humans even as Jesus is now, in the presence of God, in a new physical creation of multiplicity, filled with the Holy Spirit, not generic vanilla pudding non-duality. Sounds like fun to me, which all children delight in.
Hm...I am at an impasse , or so it seems. I have been meditating for years - and so to devote an hour to your Pascal challenge? Easy peacy. Or so it would seem.
But this dreadful knowing decended on me which is that I meditate because I want to achieve something...the Union with the Divine? Awakening? Wisdom? Ah, to finally Understand this strange experience of being alive!
And so I see that my mind is still ruling me even when I meditate - I am judging myself and my life as lacking in something vital and I am searching, wishing, yearning for...meaning? Icecream? Who knows? Something Bigger than I.
And how can I find something when I already have this judgement in my head/mind/soul - that I need something else? This drive, this urge for deeper meaning is what is keeping me away from the very thing I seek.
So then, I gave up meditation all together for a few weeks and bought a lot of wine and drank it.
So. I failed the Pascal challenge.
And I have a mighty hangover to prove it. :-)
I loved the silence and found myself extending the time to about 90 minutes each day. My contemplative prayer improved and made me more eager to pray and reflect. I stopped listening to podcasts in the car and on my walks. I savor moments when I have to be patient, like peeling organic hard boiled eggs. I think... I hope I am kinder to others and more willing to listen closely to their words and body language. I will continue to accept Pascal's challenge.
Thank you for asking about our experiences. I wanted to send you this wonderful article and film and did not know how to do so. I hope you and your readers like it. https://emergencemagazine.org/feature/on-the-road-with-thomas-merton/
Silence is an unobtainable luxury it seems.
Silence is difficult but the alternative is much worse in my opinion . We have to face what is in us. I was wondering if you or anyone has read “Into the Silent Land” by Martin Laird ?
Beautiful book. Below is a quote in it. Thank you for letting me comment .
“The doorway into the silent land is a wound. Silence lays bare this wound. We do not journey far along the spiritual path before we get some sense of the wound of the human condition, and this is precisely why not a few abandon a contemplative practice like meditation as soon as it begins to expose this wound; they move on instead to some spiritual entertainment that will maintain distraction. Perhaps this is why the weak and wounded, who know very well the vulnerability of the human condition, often have an aptitude for discovering silence and can sense the wholeness and healing that ground this wound. “
Hi Jack - I'm writing an article on psychedelics, spirituality and modernity for Unherd and I would love to interview you. Here's my portfolio of previous writings: https://edprideaux.journoportfolio.com/
Please email me at eddie.prideaux@gmail.com if you are interested in chatting and setting up a time.